Lapse In Love
by spheeris1
Summary: Read Summary Carefully! :: unwitting Xena/Hope :: Season Three, 'A Family Affair' :: Xena ignores her vision and gets Gabrielle back. Or so she thinks. :: Do Not Read If You Think It Too Disturbing!


**Lapse in Love**

_**Out of so much pain can come such joy. And in my mind, it is you. And in my heart, it is you. But what I did then... you can never know. I even wish... that I did not know of it.**_

/ / /

Xena drove herself to distraction by driving herself hard across the land. If Argo was tired, the horse didn't show it. Or perhaps in her wild intelligence... Argo knew better.  
Xena has no time to waste, her feet taking her closer and closer to Potidaea. It was the logical choice. It was Gabrielle's home... once upon a time. Once upon a time, when Gabrielle's life was no doubt simple.  
Boring, but simple.

Xena's vision, however, made her blood race. A glimpse of Gabrielle alive... _Alive enough to feel the sharp sting of nails into her flesh. Am I doing the right thing?_  
Xena questioned this need, this overwhelming desire to have Gabrielle back... if only to lose her again in a phantom future laying waste to Xena's soul.  
_I could walk away now. I could let her be._

But as Potidaea comes into view, Xena finds all these admittedly half-hearted attempts fade away.  
Somewhere, in this brightly colored market, is Gabrielle.  
_And I can't walk away, not now. Not if the chance is real. I must see her again._

/ / /

When their eyes first met, all those years ago, there was the briefest igniting of recognition.  
They knew, deep down, of the changes to come.

And again, eyes meeting in the calm daylight of another Potidaeian day. Xena feels the tight fist loosen from around her heart and heat floods her body. Gabrielle's expression is one of disbelief, slowly melting away to something else... something close to shock.  
But Xena is moving, quite without knowing it. She is moving and gathering this familiar body into her arms.  
She is holding and gripping and soaking in Gabrielle.

_I could never walk away from this, from her. Never. The vision be damned._

And when those arms return the hug, when that voice echoes in Xena's ears, when that smile spreads over Gabrielle's face... Xena knows nothing else matters. Not now.

_I've got her back. I've got Gabrielle back._

/ / /

_**What would you do, if I told you? If I let the demon go and released this knowledge, set loose this dark and deadly thing... You would leave me. You would curse me. And I'd let you. Sometimes, I ache for that punishment. Sometimes, I ache to be forgiven by you, all over again.**_

/ / /

Gabrielle's family comes with mixed signals, in that they all treat Xena differently. The father is the one she best understands... and cannot stand at all. The mother flutters around the edges, a figment that Xena can ignore. And the sister, Lila, is the nicest. In all that dark hair and dark eyes, Xena can see the same compassion and fire that lives in Gabrielle.

But Xena does not care, not about any of them. She just focuses on Gabrielle. She watches her move and listens to her talk, entranced by everything the woman does. Xena feels like she has been lost at sea and then, finally, sees land. Gabrielle is the glorious touch of feet to solid ground.  
And Xena feels like she is going to topple over when Gabrielle darts a small grin her way, her green eyes lighting up with something close to mischief.

_I've missed this. I've missed__**her**__. Gods..._

Xena notices Gabrielle and Lila looking at her, both of them appearing to be waiting for a response of some kind. Xena clears her throat.

"Sorry. What was the question?"  
"Are you okay with sleeping in Lila's bed?" Gabrielle asks, those eyes still lit up and that grin still present.  
"Umm..." Xena feels unexplainably flustered all of a sudden.  
"I know you two need to catch up, so I was going to sleep out here by the fire." Lila supplies.  
"I don't want to put you--" Xena starts, but Gabrielle's hand shoots out, covering the warrior's lips.

"Thank you, my dear sister. Xena and I have been separated for too long. I want the chance to... " And then Gabrielle turns her face slowly, looking at Xena with an almost thoughtful expression.  
"...to catch up." Gabrielle finishes, turning back to Lila with an almost tight smile.

And Xena finds her stomach twisting into knots, for reasons that remain frightfully hidden. She finds herself led quite purposefully into the bedroom, Gabrielle's hand warm in her own. They both undress without speaking.  
Xena tries to figure out this sudden unease that lurks in her bones, but freezes as she feels a sure touch upon her shoulder.  
The fingers are soft against her skin and Xena has to smother a shiver.

"Did you miss me?" Gabrielle asks quietly.

Xena moves so fast, as if the world would end if she did not reach out and bring Gabrielle closer. As if the world would end if they did not become one and never be apart again.

The kiss is unexpected, but Xena knows that she wants it to be so. And Lila's bed is forgotten.

/ / /

_**In my heart, it is you. Always you. I love you. But I can't come any closer, knowing what I've done... Some mistakes cannot be fixed. Some things cannot be erased. And I love you too much to hurt you again.**_

/ / /

At certain points, that niggling at the back of her mind would resurface. With a bite to her neck or the way the moonlight would gleam within Gabrielle's eyes... Xena found something dark there. Something not at all like Gabrielle. But then lust would rise up again, pulling Xena's jumbled thoughts from darkness to the sweet sting of pleasure.

The dam Xena placed over her emotions, it shatters and she is awash in love.  
_Oh Gods, I love her. I love her._  
And then the words are coming out of her mouth, a wet and strained phrase full of devotion.  
Gabrielle's eyes pin her, cold and narrowed, matched with lips in a fine line.  
Before Xena can react, though, the fingers within her body go in deeper and the orgasm destroys any other thoughts. She silently rides it out, her spine turning stiff and her hands buried in Gabrielle's hair.

/ / /

It is the faint tones of a voice that stirs her from sleep. Xena cannot make out what is being said, though the voice is disturbingly close. She tries to gather her wits, but finds every aspect of herself to be lazy.

However, words then begin to make sense, collecting in Xena's head like stones.

"Would she still love you more if she knew of this, hmmm, Xena?" The question is almost whispered, lingering in the room without answer. A light chuckle filters out, followed by the sounds of feet upon the floor and the sound of a door shutting.

And Xena feels everything inside turn to ice.

/ / /

_**Would you still love me, Gabrielle? ...I fear not.**_

_**END**_


End file.
